Rude Stories

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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. A girl broke down crying when I told her i wouldn’t be serving her because her ID was clearly fake. She then wished death upon me. 11. From a customer at a country club… Winning a basket auction that included a copy of The Beach Boy's album Pet Sounds and complaing because she "didn't want to hear a lot of mooing"

Anywho, we set him up on the couch while the party is still raging, and he pulls me aside and asks: "Hey man, what are your magnetics like?"My roommate had a friend who was akin to Lennie in Of Mice and Men, just not a smart guy, super slow, no idea how he made it through his teen years at this point. This guy is over all the time and constantly doing stupid s**t mostly while doing drugs or just not thinking ahead of time. Well, I had a cat that was sort of pushed on me by someone else because they couldn't look after it, so somehow after saying I would just look after it for 2 weeks, I end up just keeping the cat because the girl who said it was temporary was a liar. This cat is growing up nicely but it is strictly an indoor cat. We are next to a major roadway, it wasn't a great part of town, and I just didn't want the cat going out anyways. Anyways, this dumb f**k that is my roommates friend ends up getting high on mushrooms and starts trying to tell me how it was horrible to cut the cat's balls off. I am like WTF are you talking about, we had to get the cat fixed, he then proceeds to let the cat out later that night saying he was free from the evil tyranny of my grasp or something. Guess f***ing what, the cat got run over. F**k you Charlie. Mr and Mrs Smith,” he said, “ I’m sure you’re exaggerating. I’m happy to review their behaviour for you but I’ll be surprised if your boys are any different to any other young kids.”

He's against vaxinations, because he thinks everything in the world is a government conspiracy and he's also a nature freak who believes in homeopathy. He believes clay has a lot of almost supernatural healing qualities. When he lived in Denmark he and his wife couldn't enroll their son in kindergarten unless he had some basic vaccinations because that's the law.On The Big Fat Quiz of the Year] “I’ve answered at tedious length. ‘Tedious Length’ is also my porn name.” – David Mitchell Mercifully, someone offered her a ride home since she’d walked over. I’d never felt so uncomfortable in my own home due to someone’s well-intended gestures. Three hungry lions wander across the Serengeti National Park in search of food when they stumble upon an old oil lamp. It’s always a good idea to pass on the smiles. And you’ll be helping an aspiring blog to reach a wider audience. Had a party when I was about 15, more jelly and ice cream than shots and going wild as we were fairly sheltered. Somebody brought along their friend, who looked a similar age to us (quite short) but he was actually 23 at the time. He brought along a bottle of vodka and proceeded to drink 3/4 of it within a couple of hours, we're talking 7pm here. Nobody else at the party was drinking at all, just chilling and playing MTG. He proceeded to ignore the two different bathrooms and went into the kitchen, where my parents were trying to avoid cramping my style, and vomited into the kitchen sink all over the plates, and then left without saying anything or helping to clean up.

I worked at a private club, once. One guy, in his mid-20s, came in with the rest of his family-about 10 people. Despite his young age, he was obviously taking up alcoholism as a hobby and he wasn’t a nice drunk, either. In fact, I’d waited on him previously, and he was a pretty insufferable piece of shit. Anyway, he invited them both to our house that night and they both brought their kids, who were all around my age. There were 6 of us kids in all. So we go to the til and by this point we’re all pretty wound up from all the people and their Christmas crazy. This woman is at the till arguing with the cashier about something so we stop our conversation to listen in. I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.Turns out, she’d been throwing away clothes instead of washing them. She claimed she didn’t know she could, yet she washed her undergarments and bras without a hitch. At the end of the day, no matter who you invite over—your closest friends, beloved family members, or new acquaintances—you have to feel comfortable with what’s going on in your home. That means enforcing certain boundaries if someone hasn’t got a drop of common sense and oversteps politeness by leaps and bounds. I know how hooked kids get on the Horrid Henry books and I love their enthusiasm!' she says. 'But even Horrid Henry fans need to OCCASIONALLY read something else, and I know they would also adore Steven Butler's The Nothing To See Here Hotel, about a secret holiday resort for magical creatures. 'Henry fans will love the riotous humour, fantastic characters, and spiralling madness as the hotel copes with the arrival of the guest from hell, a goblin prince with a dark secret. Elsewhere, children's librarian Jo Clarke aka Bookloverjo shared her recommendation for children who love Horrid Henry's anarchic humour and chaotic storylines - Spangles Mc Nastyby Steve Webb and Chris Mould. The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if I’d like to masturbate in the cup. I said, “Well, I’m pretty good, but I don’t think I’m ready to compete just yet.”