Yes, I feel for a poor tired kid who has to trudge through the grocery store with their mother. But life is tough. Learning how to mitigate the grocery aisles when you're miserable is training for mitigating the freeways and the rat race. Throwing a tantrum in the cereal aisle earns you no favors in life and deserves a negative response, just like road rage is unacceptable and deserves jail time. To avoid going to the grocery store when it is necessary, or to rearrange my entire life so as to keep children comfortable (especially when it is beyond reasonable), is doing children a disservice. Thankfully, you can reduce this feeling of interference by imagining how your child will feel about your suggestions and ideas. Understand that kids simply want to have fun, and it often seems like we are getting in their way, regardless of our best intentions.

Book Review: Unconditional Parenting - Greater Good

As parents, we must decide to love and support our children for who they are, not for their achievements or good behavior, and certainly not because they make us proud.I agree with the author that rewarding a child for doing a task takes away the intrinsic enjoyment that the child may have gotten from it. I also agree that traditional punishments are seldom affective, which is why they have to be repeated so often. But I disagree with his assertion that allowing a child to feel the natural consequences of his misbehavior is the same thing as punishing the child. I am a HUGE fan of natural consequences, and I try to look for them whenever I can.

Alfie Kohn - Unconditional Parenting

Unconditional parenting je o bezuslovnom roditeljstvu (da Šerloče) i analizira uticaj istog na dalji dečiji razvoj i motivaciju za učenje (naslov jeste krindž ali Alfie piše organizovano i razgovetno). Kada dete pravi gluposti, besni (ili još prostije - ne ponaša se onako kako biste vi želeli da se ponaša), da li ga kažnjavati? Nastaviti sa programom i danom kao da ništa nije bilo? Kakav dugoročni uticaj imaju pohvale i nagrade za "očekivano" ponašanje"? Kako se nositi sa mišlju da si neadekvatan roditelj? Kako ga bez previše pritiska naterati da KONAČNO obuje cipele ili opere zube? But think of it this way: raising kids is not like running a business, so applying coercion or persuasion methods based on the offer of rewards and threats of punishment doesn’t bring the best out of children. With no power struggles, there will be a significant reduction in arguments, fights, and conflicts because parents no longer feel the need to lord over their kids.The concept of unconditional parenting appeals to me, the idea that we love our kids unconditionally: whether they behave, throw a tantrum, do (or don’t do) well in school. Kohn debunks many popular discipline strategies including time-outs, positive reinforcement and praise, reward systems, and punishment. Instead he offers thirteen parenting techniques that help parents to honor their kids and to treat them as if they like them rather than are in charge of them. He also challenges parents to consider how they would feel if they were receiving the treatment they’re giving their kids. Are we helping our children feel loved and accepted even when their behavior is not acceptable? He warns against the unspoken message, “We love you honey; we just hate almost everything you do” (143) and offers strategies for dealing with problematic behavior. It’s really good. And I mean really, really good. I will definitely be re-reading it in physical form (I listened to the audiobook) at some point so I can copy out the parts I particularly love and if I ever do become a parent this book will definitely be out again then! Here are some highlights:- Bottom line: children see the world as their oyster, so try as much as possible to help them find their way as caring responsible selves instead of getting in their way. 8. Be Real

Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments

The alternatives to rewards and punishment? Genuine respect for our kids, genuine interest in what they think/feel/want, exerting the minimum of control over them (saying no only when you absolutely have to, giving them autonomy wherever you can), explaining the reasons for your actions. It will take a lot more patience and energy than throwing out mindless “good jobs” or “because I said sos”, but it will help them grow into empathetic, kind, thoughtful, curious, confident people – who never feel they have to act in a certain way to earn our love. The overall goal is to make children live more authentically and feel supported in their decisions as you become a better parent.

One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send. Our culture has borne a generation of "praise junkies" - children whose behavior is motivated not by intrinsic goals, but by rewards or the avoidance of punishment. True, Classical Conditioning is a proven method for behavior modification...but do we really want to treat our children like Pavlov's dogs? Are you kidding me??? So if I tell my child I love her, I actually don't? Because it means I don't show it? What is it about “gentle” parenting types that makes them so obnoxious? Why does the phrase “unconditional parenting” make me want to hurl? Why do “lactivists” make me want to offer their children Dr. Pepper in a baby bottle?